Steps To That: My God of Darkness - 08/26/2024

Tonight, I was present and aware enough to sense into my senses, set my imaginations to the side, and look within.

I sense inside my body, I feel my bones, and I feel the darkness, the space, the chamber through which breath tunnels in and out in intervals.
That darkness and space is not in my imagination, I sense it, it is sensational, mysterious, that emptiness is a fullness of perceived sensation.
Always there, unchanging, unmoving.

This is similar to Being-ness in these descriptions.

In any case, this is God. Within the realm of my senses, yet ignored.
No, it's not Self, it's not This, but it is that space from which things arise.

Inside me, inside this body, not as an imagination but as something I can sense into, right now, is this space that life arises out of.

There was also some contemplation beforehand possible due to increased awareness.

I recognized, forced myself to recognize more consciously that everything I have ever loved is me. Everything I have ever admired, every quality I have ever appreciated, are all me. They are what I appreciate.

Everything I have ever seen outside is a reminder of what I love about myself.

And yet, with the luxury of having a mirror, I have projected my love onto the mirror and deprived the One body of its own love. I have cast all of the light and praise of acceptance, love, blessing, I have cast all of that light as a spell out onto the whole world, leaving only darkness in the inner world–the world inside of the body. I have deprived a world of its own light, stolen it and given it to a stranger.

And I now look at that unchanging darkness, and fathom that it is I.

It is sensed as an essence like magic.