The Zen N! #54

It’s been months of having no idea what I’m doing,

And I'm starting to get comfortable with that.

I’ve been at my lowest points, leveling up—lol. Reconnecting to my meaning, my vision, my purpose. Looking at who I want to be in my own life. Starting to crave the intensity of uncertainty over the boredom of what I know. Watching how systems move when action pushes them forward.

Practicing Concentration. Awareness. Mindfulness.

Every day has been an opportunity for 10,000 thoughts to strike at me. 

“Did I really want to do this? Why did I want to do this?” 

The assaults come in waves from different battalions. 

A battalion of doubts at noon-day, a wave of optimism at 2. 

In meditation, one learns that a torrent of thoughts can be a waterfall, 

And we become the watcher of the waterfall. 

With each day, each wave, another storm has cleared.

The storm has washed away another layer of sand. 

Another layer of me. 

A new voice. A new version uncovers. 

I can’t hold on to me from yesterday. 

There have been too many yesterdays. 

It was the same with the thousands of pages I wrote out and burned, with no memory of what expense I had just wasted. 

New style, new flair of writing, is this me? Does it feel more like me? 

I am the intention that takes a ride on a style and flair. 

I am the impressionable inside canvas which the outside influenced. 

The influence of one pulled my style one way, the influence of another, the other. 

P.S.

I wanted to capture the steps I took on the spiritual journey I set off on. – Even though it might not make sense to anyone.– That’s been an ongoing series called “Steps To That” you can find on the site. I think it’ll be crazy to look back at.

Launch #3 of the Mindfulness Course is going on live this August, with class #2 on Tuesday, 09/10/24. Signups and 1:1 Session signups are at https://calendly.com/flowcreator.

Reply to this email to lmk what your thoughts about this letter. What’s up in your life?

Stay Blessed,
- Tyler Choice